New month, new strategy. I had a tarot reading the other day- my first in over 16 years- and the oracle seemed to be saying that I'd have a girlfriend by January at the latest. But it’s like the joke about God and the lottery ticket, there is some effort that will be required on my part. I must say I have seen some nice looking women recently, that inspired me to seriously consider areas I can improve in over the weekend. When I went to withdraw the rent on Friday in Natwest I was served by a woman of Indian or Pakistani descent, I would guess early thirties. She was very average looking-very non symmetrical- but I was strangely beguiled by her. There was something about the bone structure around her eyes that I found very attractive. She may be married, we may have nothing in common but I would like her to know just for her own sake that she is my Miss Natwest.
Then when I went to the letting agency to pay the rent I met a fair haired woman of a similar age who was plump and ample and is a freelance TEFL teacher. The lady in Natwest was now a faint memory. I had now seen absolutely where the bar had been set for me. She was just exactly the size I like and had a sweet and gentle manner about her. If she was way too high for the likes of me then I’d just have to jump through a few hoops until my Badoo rating rises from the 4.00 it currently rests at when I’m in the UK (bizarrely rises to about 7 when I’m in Prague- somewhere in-between in China). I actually started thinking about what my whole life has been so far. I never really refused many- I didn't have that luxury- to to put it another way I never had strength in depth, as they say about football teams. Now supposing I were a 10 and not a 4 of course this would make things easier. I’d have a far larger catalog to select a (closer) match from.
As things stand, there is a lot of work to do. I’m podgy, spotty, broke, carless, getting on a bit and not very visible either to those who may be interested in my potential. Of course, I don’t envisage bumping myself up to a 10. What is a 10, anyway? A premier league footballer? Matt from Downton Abbey? Colin Firth in his heyday?
Let's put rock stars, actors and billionaires in one group and call these people 10s. We can say that a TV producer, high profile lawyer, property developer, art dealer etc is a 9. They hang out with the famous but aren't famous themselves. At 8 just below these are people who are wealthy but less glamorous. They still drive nice cars and live in big houses. Maybe they run a marketing company or are a barrister or something but they don't quite have the cache of a 9.
You know what I haven't even got to 4 yet and I'm thinking I'm lucky to even have been rated that high. Actually until recently my rating was indeed less than 4. You'd think ratings are based on looks but I just don't think it works that way with girls. They'll be picking up on all sorts of other subtle things, like the clothes I'm wearing and what they can see in the photograph that give an indication of my net worth, self-respect and ambition. So let's forget this talk of how far I might be able to improve and say that significant improvement is the goal.
I went for my induction at the leisure centre at 10.00. Did my back in slightly I would say. Then walked about 500 metres out to sea to where the tide had gone out just for kicks. I read some of Jarvis Cocker’s intro to mother, brother. lover- his collection of lyrics. What may prove more inspirational is the good advice he gives. He says you should exaggerate your flaws and turn them into virtues. An example would be how he often speaks in songs and that has sort of become a trademark of his. At 1.30 I had a skills conditionality appointment that I’d been asked to attend by the Job Centre. The girl who assessed me had 3 tattoos, including one on her foot. They really are quite the thing this summer. She said I seemed to know what I was doing and wasn’t sure why I’d been sent to her. However, I did learn something useful. The government will pay for me to do level 1 of a teaching assistant course. Were I to then stump up the cash for level 2 I might be able to get work as a teaching assistant. I popped into Natwest to get a statement and cash. I was hoping I'd get the lady I had last time but I got the gay Thai guy instead. Ah well. After that I had my hair cut at Groomers. The hairdresser asked me what I thought of the Chinese people. I outlined the pros and the cons. Steve Wright was on the radio. His shows always sound reassuringly familiar if you like that sort of thing. They were talking about the new E.U rule that takes effect today regarding new vacuum cleaners being limited to 1600 W. My upright one is 1500 and that’s loud enough. After my hair cut I bought 2 shirts (every item of clothing one pound) in the Cats in Crisis charity shop and flirted a bit with a Lithuanian mother who was working in the shop and had her daughter with her. My flirting skills are non existent really. I simply talk to someone and if they like the look of me they will be naturally receptive. Judging by her friendly response I might be as high as 7 but it must be a Slav thing, see what I said earlier about Prague.
The rather unloved basketball court in Huntsdown Park, near the leisure centre
How far you can walk when the tide is out